I looked over the street then.  The sheer carnage was overwhelming.  Bodies were stacked around me and Pa’Koth.  I heard Li’Non crying softly and patted his head with a blood spattered hand.

The enemy dead.  It was hard to tell friend from foe.  Some of the enemy were monsters, it is true.  Many more, in death, were simply Narn.  No different from any that fought at my side.

Except these had been willing to die to kill me.  Why me?  I am not important, no matter what Pa’Koth says.  I am not a Warrior.  I am not great.  It is such a waste.

There were so many dead around us that we were pulled from the masses.  I have already heard stories of the battle.  You would understand G’Quan to be twice the height of myself, tearing monsters apart with his bare hands, calling the very gods to do his bidding.

It appears that a second G’Quan exists now.  Perhaps he came into being when I called the people to war.  I do not trust this new G’Quan.  He will overtake and kill me in the end I fear.

I should be reveling in our victory, but the sight of so many dead for so little reason saddens me.  The Darkness gone – that is something to celebrate.  But the cost, the cost was high. 

Few of the MindWalkers survive.  The irony is that in this battle they were not even necessary.  This was a battle of brute force and perseverance.  My forces were just as able to hew flesh as the great Warrior and his ka’toc.

Many of the Lost lay dead at my feet.  Young Narn whose lives were over before they began.  This is my true legacy.  

The city is large and must have once been bustling.  I may support that many who lived here were Narn.  Collaborators like Tza’Vin.  There will be more deaths as collaborators are found and killed.  I fear the Darkness has dealt a blow to Nar’Shal from which it may never recover.

Why did the Darkness come here?  Why did they leave?

Why did they kill my people?  Hundreds of thousands of Narn lie dead.  Entire villages, towns and cities.  My home.  The beautiful Valley in which I grew to manhood.  My family.  My temple. 

My people lost so much.  For what?

Today’s battle was horrific.  I thought I was prepared, but I was not.  As we had decided on our march to this place, Pa’Koth’s team burst the wall around the city of Darkness.  Nothing happened.  We rushed in to find that the Darkness was gone.  Gone as if it never had been. 

But there were things there.  Things unlike any of the Soldiers we had fought before.  Some looked Narn, but they were not. 

I still smell the blood.  I don’t think it is possible to wash enough to remove the smell from my nose, the taste from my tongue. 

We had been prepared for a completely different battle.  The enemy fell upon us like a wave.  It crashed against our defense and we fell back confused.  We looked in desperation for the flying creatures that we had fought before.  There was nothing but these horrible creatures, hacking at our line like mindless brutes.  I chopped and slashed in defense.  They were so many and insensible to our weapons.    I felt more like I was pruning them then fighting them.  They seemed never-ending.  My arm was covered in gore, dripping from my elbow, flying into my face as I slashed again.  At my side was young Li’Non with his small ka’toc.  He looked like he was bathed in blood and I know I looked the same.   This would be a rout if I stepped back.  This sickness needed to be destroyed now.  We would never have a chance otherwise.

“To me!” I called out. 

“To G’Quan” I heard ripple through my forces.  For the first time they felt like my own.  I sensed Pa’Koth at my side, his Ra’ka’toc ready and available.  I could not spare him a glance, but knew he would kill swaths of them for me. 

Pa’Koth stepped before me and shot the creatures with his weapon.  They fell in droves.  We sliced into the horde like G’Lan’s ka’toc.  The Ra’ka’toc drove us through the line of the creatures.  I protected Pa’Koth’s back and kept Li’Non close as we marched remorselessly into the battle. 

But Pa’Koth could not keep firing a weapon based so strongly on his will forever.  He fell senseless in front of me.  I stood over him and continued  the fight.  The battle formed again around me.  My Lost team protected me and their fallen leader with all they had at hand.   I took the moment’s respite to look at the fight.  The enemy did appear to have an end.   The ka’toc in my hand was so heavy and stuck to my hand with Narn blood, but I knew we could finish this.    

Like a ra’mir goes to the flame on a dark night, the fiends kept surrounding me.   Realizing this struck a fear in me that I do not believe I will ever forget.    “Pa’Misha!” I called out.  “Take Pa’Koth to somewhere safe.  We cannot protect him here.”  She lifted Pa’Koth to her shoulder and with three others pushed through the battle until they were lost to sight.  Freed from my protective stance I fought on.  “Li’Non” I screamed over the battle.

“I will not leave you, G’Quan.”  His voice was defiant, and I had no time to argue with him. 

“To me, my Narn.” I bellowed, “Now is our chance.  Surround the enemy.”  The call again went through the frenzied Narn.  Like some horrific spring dance we formed a circle inside the freaks and outside the perimeter, blocking them in as they tried to attack … me. 

Even as I defended myself and Little Li’Non stabbed and slashed the creatures, darting in and out of the horde, I wondered why I was the one that was the target.  The inside circle dwindled under the unrelenting attack of the creatures.  I admit I was making my peace with Vas expecting to see Sava herself as Li’Non and I fought.  So I was not surprised when Sava came wading through the throng followed by Pa’Koth.  It was not Sava, but Pa’Misha.  She and Pa’Koth came to me and the three of us formed a tiny triangle in the mass of profane creatures.  So like Narn and yet so alien. 

Then, like the sun rising above a mountain, one side of the throng was broken.  Suddenly it became the creatures that were in the dwindling circle.  My Narn army surrounded them and stomped them out until there were no more.

Family is very important to Narns, it is true.  Being able to care for your children is an honor for a Narn male.  Yet, most males do not live with their children.  After the first year, the children no longer need the male’s pouch.  The children live with their mothers.  Females often live with female family members or even friends.  Males will typically move out when they come of age.  They too often live with family members, often uncles (mother’s brothers) or with friends.  If my father had not been a farmer with acreage to give both of his boys a living, I likely would have moved to my uncle’s home in the MindWalker village. 

My life would have been very different.

After the war there were many children with no family left.  I could have started an entire city with the children with no one, no one at all to ensure their future.  I asked the communities to bring these children into their homes. It sounds as if it was a burden, but the joy of raising these young survivors of a terrible age meant the world to me.  I was forever finding Lost children and bringing them into my home in honor of the first Lost boy who found me, my brother Pa’Koth.  Ironically, later in my life it has even considered an honor to be raised in my household. As a consequence, I always had a home full of children.  

I feel trapped.  Since the second attempt on my life by Narn in league with the Darkness, I have no privacy.  I am used to a solitary existence and it is stifling to find myself under constant supervision from two or three young Narn.  They constantly want to talk to me and I am used to having quiet time to consider.  I understand Pa’Koth’s fears, and I do not want to die, but to live constantly guarded.  Is it really living at all?

We are on to our final major offensive.  I am still befuddled by the end of our last battle with the Darkness.  Why did their flying cart creatures leave?  How did we kill them with hate?  Is that why they disappeared?  Hate itself has become a potent weapon in this fight?  I am certain that that is both the answer and not the answer.  I do not know enough of the universe beyond my own green skies to be able to find the true answer.   And this troubles me.  

I fear what we might find in the City of Darkness.  More of the Ra’ka’toc with their purple flames and screams that kill.  That is understood.  No, I fear that I will find more agents of Darkness that wear a Narn face.

I am sure that Pa’Koth and others would say that those who have joined with the Darkness have given up their claim to this world and are no longer Narn.  They may be right.  Yet, they are my own people and I cannot find it in my heart to want to kill them.   How I reconcile my wish to not kill Narn who support the Darkness while wanting to remove all traces of the Darkness from Nar’Shal I do not know.  Is it easier to kill those who are different?  I am comforted by knowing that this tragedy started with peaceful intentions.  I hope that if others come from the sky they have better hearts and come bearing an open hand of friendship.

I must prepare for the fact that death might hold a familiar face.  How strange it must have been before the Unity when Narn tribes fought one another.  To only know your enemy by the clothes they wear and the banners they honor.   The Unity changed all that, but the Darkness has brought that horror upon us as well.   This ka’toc has tasted Narn blood.  To my shame it has tasted the blood of my people by my own hand.  I go forth knowing that, by Sava’s will.  No, by my own will.  I will not blame the deaths of Narn by my hand on a goddess that may not exist.  I will kill Narn to save my world from the Darkness they follow.  It is a slippery slope.  Go too far and it becomes madness.  To save my life and to save my world I will kill Narn that attack me and mine.

And so it begins.

There is only one more thing to do.  We need to go to the Cursed Valley and attack the Darkness.  Before they attack any more villages.  Before one more Narn is killed by the creatures in the sky.  The reports are

Again my hands are covered in Narn blood.  The Darkness knows no bounds and I am starting to believe that my previous distrust of the other may not be misplaced.  While sitting under this tree writing in my journal, I was attacked by 6 Narn.  I do not know why and I cannot ask why.  They are all dead.  And I have killed for survival and vengeance. 

I was distracted by my thoughts, sure of my safety among my fellows and Pa’Kal-eth paid the price for my lack of vigilance.  He was the quiet one.  He was always there, my silent observer.  Surely my assassins forgot he was there.  When they struck he was remembered.  He called out and fought them as I dropped my journal and pulled my own ka’toc from its sheath.  Again, the assassins had no chance of survival.  I fought off one, killed another.  Pa’Kal-eth fought valiantly.  His only failing was that he was fighting to protect me, not himself.  I cried out in agony and rage as I saw him stabbed in the back and his body fall lifeless to the ground.  The rage that filled me then ensured that none of my assassins survived.  Part of me reveled in the death of the one that killed my quiet guard.  Others had taken care of the rest, but I looked in the eye of the one who killed him just to watch the light leave it.

I held the young man then and wept.  Looked at his soft young face and mourned the losses.  The loss of his life.  The loss of innocence.  The loss of a world that felt safe.  Even if I remove every Dark Lord from this world, I could never remove all of their minions.  How long will I have to fear the odd quiet moment?  Why would any Narn want me dead?

“G’Quan,” whispered Pa’Koth as he knelt beside me.  “I mourn with you.  He was my friend.  He would be honored that you cry for his loss.”

“It shouldn’t have happened.  We are among our own.”

“Obviously, not everyone agrees with you, G’Quan.  I have told you before of your importance.”

I shook my head, “I am not a great WarLeader.  I am not even able to use the weapons.”

“You lie, G’Quan.  You use the most potent weapon of them all.  In you is the Will that guides us.  No other can carry that weapon.”

“I am so sorry that Pa’Kal-eth died in the defense of me, Pa’Koth.  I mourn with you.”

“He was happy to serve you, G’Quan.  He gave his life willingly.  We all would.  It is our purpose.”  Then he gently lifted Pa’Kal-eth from my arms.  He would be given a hero’s memorial.  I will sing his praises. 

I am humbled by Pa’Koth’s words.

animate-mush:

Ask G’Quan: The Battle of Ornas Valley

ask-gquan:

I sit in the dark cave of the Dur’Nara and thank Sava for her protection. Little Li’Non is sleeping beside me. His fortitude makes me smile. He was very brave throughout the battle. He and his brethren were everywhere, helping coordinate the fight. I see our young Nar’Shal in his filthy,…

I’m surprised Garibaldi didn’t have anything to say about this, honestly…

Animate- mush,

I really feel I must explain.  Mr. Garbaldi is many things, but a diplomat is none of them.  Vortano is life changing, no matter the righteousness of your cause.  The willingness to kill another, even for your own survival, affects you in ways that can never be properly explained.  This is why war should always be the last resort.  After you have freed the ta’pith, there is never a cage big enough to hold it again.

He meant no offense.  He would say he was, “Just being straight up about it.”  But honesty does not require thorns to be true.

I am old, and my rough edges have been worn off by time.  He is young and the wounds, though not fresh, can be re-opened too easily.  Warriors always share a bond because a warrior understands.   I have met this young man before.

I think he is putting a brave face on things that would make him weep otherwise.  He has a big heart, but is afraid of losing control.  As a consequence, he is constantly frustrated by a universe that reminds him that control was never his to have.

I am sure he will be back to his normal self after the war is over.

Good eating to you,

G’Quan

animate-mush:

Ask G’Quan: The Battle of Ornas Valley

ask-gquan:

I sit in the dark cave of the Dur’Nara and thank Sava for her protection. Little Li’Non is sleeping beside me. His fortitude makes me smile. He was very brave throughout the battle. He and his brethren were everywhere, helping coordinate the fight. I see our young Nar’Shal in his filthy,…

I’m surprised Garibaldi didn’t have anything to say about this, honestly…

I sit in the dark cave of the Dur’Nara and thank Sava for her protection.  Little Li’Non is sleeping beside me.  His fortitude makes me smile.  He was very brave throughout the battle.  He and his brethren were everywhere, helping coordinate the fight.   I see our young Nar’Shal in his filthy, exhausted frame.  We have left the pouch.  We are learning to take care of ourselves in this new world with its dangers.   We maybe tired, bloody and caked with debris, but we are victorious.  We lost many but today we are victorious.

The Ornas Valley is pocked with carnage.  It makes me think of the Valley.  When this is all over, I will go back there.  Not to live.  I believe that door is closed.  Yet, I will be back to see my home and to weep.

So many dead.   Most of the dead are … just gone, caught in a fiery blast.  So quickly that we did not even hear their screams.  The flames made the ground melt; rocks were thrown up by the flames.  Many are filthy and bloody from being too close to a blast.  Compared to those who were consumed, we filthy and bloody remnants feel fortunate.     

When the first flier fell from the sky, the cheer told all of Nar’Shal of our moment.  There was a pause as the flier gave what sounded like a despairing shriek and shriveled and melted away.  That shot seemed to shake our enemy.  As if the ta’ith suddenly turned and attacked the var.   We swarmed into the compound and the enemy was impossible to see.  I saw no one inside.  It was as if the only thing inside the perimeter were the flying creatures.  How could that be?  Were the enemy the flying creatures or were they inside?   I do not know.   I do know that Narn attacked every one of the fliers we could reach.  Rocks and sticks and ka’toc.  Anything at hand.  The fliers screeched and we fell, but strangely we all stood again.  We were able to withstand the screams this time, even the MindWalkers that were always so hard hit. 

 I thought the fliers were great flying carts, and now I am not sure.  In death they are more like a wounded var but a thousand times more deadly.  One cannot touch them bare handed, even as they die.  But a stick or a ka’toc can give the bearer great satisfaction.

The compound did not have many of the fliers in it.  No more than 15.  One was struck by the weapons as part of our first attack.  It hit the wall and made the obliging hole that we used for our entrance.  Four never had the opportunity to take off.  Several more were taken by the weapons.  Fliers came in from elsewhere and attacked us.  Fire rained from the sky and the compound and the valley outside were filled with chaos.  It seemed that all was lost.  I was about to send Li’Non off again to start organizing our retreat when the most extraordinary thing happened.

We lost a weapon and all near it.  Sava save him, Pa’Koth was not on that one.  He was far away, but at that moment I feared for my friend, my young brother.  When I saw that WarCart erupt in flame I found a fire in me that I did not know I had.  My order for retreat was left unsaid.  As if all of my anger and my hatred could be made corporeal, my Narns struck.  I believe that we killed one flier with sheer loathing.  No weapon hit it.  Yet it fell from the sky and Narn swarmed it.  As if a blocked river is suddenly set free, our hatred of our enemy made two more fall from the sky.  I have no other reason for it.  The weapons did not hit them, yet they fell and shriveled and died.

All at once, the fliers disappeared as if they had never been.

Tomorrow we attack the flying carts in their own lair.  I haven’t written much on this journey.  As if writing about it makes it more real.  In my mind’s eye I see this journal being handed to my nephew as my last words.  I didn’t want to tell him about tired feet and scared Narn.  We are here.   That this humble document might last to teach others what I have learned about this Darkness makes me feel as if I have a calling.  Perhaps I am the watcher.  Maybe those who come after us will use the words I write in their own Vortano against this enemy.

Many Narn have heeded my call.  They carry whatever they had available as weapons.  Little ones like Li’Non come to this fight.  There is no one to name this child, to educate him.  If any of us survive this war, then he and all of the children with no families will need care. 

Pa’Koth just introduced me to his five trusted friends.  I am to be their charge.  As I told him, I would be safest by his side.  How could an agent of Darkness get to me?  I will live to be 150.

One young female, Pa’Misha seemed very close to Pa’Koth.  I wonder if they are mates or if he wishes they were.  Hers was the first name on his lips.  Looking at her smile at Pa’Koth, I believe he has met with her approval. The resiliency of our people knows no bounds.  To consider such a relationship in these times is to have more hope than I feel.  What I lack in hope I make up in steadfastness.

The others think we will surprise the Darkness.  The idea makes me smile in irony.  I do not think this is a surprise attack by any means.  I am quite certain the Darkness knows we are here.  Yet, I still believe we can surprise the Darkness.  The attack will not be the surprise, but the people of Nar’Shal will always confound any enemy for we will never surrender.   

Made rebloggable by request:

The Narn society is heavily based on our core belief in Vas, Vas and Sava.  Sava made the choice to be female and it made a profound impact on our world view.  Females and males work together and may find each other attractive, but females are the ones who decide with whom they will couple.  If a male makes a gesture to a female that is not interested, she will usually let him know without delay that he is not acceptable.  Even in our civilized age, an unwanted flirtation can cause a female to bare her teeth, possibly even snarl or growl.  A male that wishes to keep his pouch intact would be wise to heed her warning.  

This caution is because of the heavy demands placed on the sire of her children.  Her children require his pouch for protection.  It is the wondrous way that Sava ensured that our young are safe.  Our children require both a male and female parent when they are young.  The father carries the young in his pouch and the mother is the child’s source of nourishment.  This interdependence can be seen in the animal world as well.  The larger male var will keep the young safe while the sleek female var hunts.  She supports the male and he cares for the pouchlings.  He will guard the whole family when the mother feeds the children.  Even an urlot male can be protective of the mother of his pouchlings.

There is no guarantee that the relationship will continue after the pouchlings leave the pouch.  Relationships can be very brief indeed.  Narns are a sensual people.  We enjoy good food and drink.  We enjoy the scent of flowers and spring and the warmth of the sun in an almost carnal way.  Sex in all of its permutations is another part of enjoying life.  The heat cycle allows the female to choose a mate for siring children, but it also allows her freedom when all she is looking for is a few nights of pleasure.

As you might expect. a male’s status is partially predicated on his success as a sire and lover.  Narn males often boast about their sexual prowess and their ability to attract females.

A child’s sire can be a political move as well.  A male Narn is expected by society to ensure that his children will each be properly named and educated as dictated by the child’s circle.  It is a social obligation, not a financial one.  Children inherit the circle of the more exalted parent. As a consequence it is advantageous to the female that can attract a male of a higher circle.  Since females in heat can be impregnated by more than one male, the female may not allow you to be called the father of her pouchlings in favor of a more impressive mate. “Siring up” can be a cruel thing for those of us on the bottom rung.  If you are of the Tenth Circle, you will find fewer women interested in you.  Not when they could catch the eye of a merchant, artist, Seer or even the Kha’Ri.

It is a great honor to be present to raise your children.  Unlike my family, most Narn families are wide and inclusive affairs.  Many fathers and children around a central group of bonded females.

It probably will not surprise you to know that in my youth I did not have any opportunities to explore this aspect of our society.  I didn’t even attract the interests of farmers’ daughters.  I was a horrible farmer.  An awkward and short teen.  I probably even hurt G’Qual’s ability to find a mate, despite his strength and diligence. This all changed after the war, but then I was just another opportunity to sire up.  No wonder G’Lan never had any children or a wife.

This is not to say that the Narn do not have mates.  We are a passionate people and if we fall in love and decide to join, usually we will be partners for life.  The honor of having a female decide to become your partner, your wife, is considered one of the ultimate honors.  To mate up circle as my father did would bring an amazing boost in status.  No wonder my father died inside when my mother died.  Not only was he blessed with my mother, but also the status of joining with a high ranking woman.  He must have been disappointed when his children did not reap the benefits of that partnership.  Perhaps that is why he never was pleased with me.